


dawn will happen, eventually

by forkandgarden_3



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, I can't seem to write them happy, No Plot, far into the future, just some dialogue, little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14142459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkandgarden_3/pseuds/forkandgarden_3
Summary: feelings are bullshit, but it's all they really have left. And Danny shares a few of her own.Laura and everyone else is gone - Danny and Carmilla talk on their death anniversariesLawstein if you squint.





	dawn will happen, eventually

**Author's Note:**

> sorry - I'm drunk again   
> and this wouldn't leave me alone. 
> 
> takes place far, far into the future.

“How many years does this make?”, Carmilla asks. There’s a few bottles between the two of them in the private forest Carmilla bought for their friends. It’s where they meet every year on their friend’s death anniversaries.  

“It’s closer to a century now. I don’t know. I haven’t been keeping track either”, Danny replies. She’s not drinking as much. A bottle and a half of scotch in, and Carmilla is finally in that place where she can be vulnerable without feeling guilty. But Danny knows that a little more and Carmilla might start crying. She doesn’t want to deal with a crying Carmilla again. Not any time soon at least. She’s prepared to take the bottles away. 

They fall into silence.  
  


The stars overhead seem brighter and duller at the same time, if that’s possible.  
  


“For all it’s worth, Lawrence”, Carmilla suddenly starts, “I’m sorry you ended up like this. This life… I wouldn’t wish it on anyone”. 

Silence. Not much to say. Neither of them are looking at each other.    
  


The moon is bright too. A waning crescent.    
  


“It wasn’t so bad at first”, Danny finally replies, her voice soft, admitting something she never really said out loud. “I was — there was a lot going on. And I just wanted to rage, and suddenly I had all this power that let me do so”, Danny speaks while looking at the ground, her fingers combing through the grass. “I’ll tell you something, Karnstein. When everything was over. And we would meet with the others from time to time… I never really felt – uh – safe? Well, I guess, “excepted” is a better word”, she confided. “It was always like I was right at the edge of the group. Kirsh tried to make me feel welcome, but… it wasn’t really enough”, a pause, if only to give them both some time to process that Danny was being vulnerable for the first time in a while. “I know I fucked up a lot. When I got away from it all, the only thing I could really think, for a bit anyway, was how you pulled your punches,” she murmured, practically talking to the ground now. 

Carmilla stilled. She wasn’t kind during their fight, but she  **did** pull her punches, she can’t deny it. She was about to respond when Danny went on, “I thought a lot about it. And I realized that it was because a part of you probably still remembered me as “human”, when I didn’t even allow myself to think about it. No matter what was going on, you kind of – treated me the same. And… I appreciate that”.  

More silence. Neither of them are really for feelings, and yet, this was all they had left that made them feel completely human. Everything else about them was different. But feelings… feelings they could always have. Always relate to. Carmilla tried, for a while to ignore any and all feelings. But after Laura and the gang, she didn’t need to. She didn’t  **_want_ ** to. Feelings were there for a reason.    
  


The air grew a little warmer. The first signs of dawn.   
  


“I think the only thing I wanted, back when I was first turned, was to feel like I was still myself”, Carmilla finally said, her voice quiet and soft, like she was remembering something far off; nostalgic to a degree. Danny nodded, she understood the feeling. She was angry, furious even. And at the same time, she didn’t care. What she wanted, more than anything, was to be told that it would be okay. That she was still herself. 

“I think we both know that Mother wanted anything  **but** for us to feel normal. She wanted us to feel out of place, so that we would listen to her.”, Carmilla went on, “So even if it was just little things: banter, pulling punches, calling you Xena – I’m glad those actions got through to you”. Another nod from Danny. “It’s not easy, I know. And like I said… I’m sorry you have to live like this. Death is hard, no matter how many years or decades or centuries pass.”, Carmilla finished. 

Was it always going to be so raw? No. Laura’s and the others are long gone. The sting of loss that they brought has numbed. But losing someone, experiencing any sort of loss, is difficult. 

They mellowed out over the years. Carmilla might have a few centuries on Danny. But, after the first couple decades, it starts to matter less. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still here with me”, Danny admits quietly, looking straight at Carmilla. Carmilla holds her gaze and gives a slow nod; the moment holding more than words could ever really express. 

 

The first lights of the morning start to make their way over the horizon, bathing the forest in pale light, steadily growing warmer in tone. 

 

No night lasts forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> as always - thanks for reading any of this trash


End file.
